(This post has links to products that I am in NO way affiliated with and do not get a commission on. This is purely a recommendation piece)
Merry Magical Greetings!
The past couple of weeks have been really difficult for me creatively and mentally. First, I thought it was because of the recent Pisces New Moon. Then, I thought it was just the waning of the moon cycle, which I'm low energy during naturally. But after both of those had passed and I wasn't getting out of my funk I started to become frustrated. For me, I'm usually up and going at the start of a new cycle, with its refreshed energy and focus, so am I. But this time I was still low energy, on the verge a depressive bout and irritable to the touch by day 5 into the new month!
So, after the anger and frustration ebbed, I did what I always do: go looking for answers. This time I looked to all the books my husband and I had gotten each other for Yule the past year. For us the 12 nights of Yule is a time to help each others growth in the new year. For 12 nights we give each other gifts of growth, things that will help us become the best version of ourselves in the new year. Always things that WE have specifically stated we wanted to work on, not one of those "You're so naggy so I got you a book on becoming independent" type things. For example, my husband revealed to me, after 12 years of knowing him, that he had always wanted to learn how to play the saxophone. He was mainly concerned about learning how to read music. So as one of his gifts I went and found him a book on how to read sheet music!
The books I had to choose from in this endeavor of finding out what my problem was, were plenty. Everything from money matters, to habit making and spirituality from Deepak Chopra. But the one I gravitated towards first was a series I bought him for his own identity help. Two books about the Enneagram types.
Enneagram and What it is
(Image from The Very Well Mind site )
"The Enneagram consists of a nine-point diagram. Each point represents a personality type....At its simplest, the Enneagram represents nine different personality types.1 Beyond the basic nine personality types, the system grows much more complex and includes 27 different subtypes as well as three key "centers" focused on action, feeling, and thinking."
Similar to the Myers-Briggs test, the Enneagram help you go deeper into understanding your personality by seeing where your actions and reactions stem from, as well as ways in which to cater to your specific type and develop healthier ways of coping with stress in your life.
One of these ways is to find out which of your connected lines to the other types are your Disintegration line and your Integration line. Basically, which other type you lean towards and adopt the worst qualities of that type, or the best.
For example, I am a 50/50, right down the middle Type 2 and Type 4. Type 2's when stressed and unhealthily coping disintegrate into the worst parts of a Type 8 (aggressive and dominating), where as to cope healthily I should integrate the best parts of Type 4 (self-nurturing and emotionally aware). For my Type 4 side, I disintegrate to Type 2's worst qualities (become over-involved and clingy) and integrate to Type 1's best qualities (become more objective and principled).
How This Knowledge Helped Me
Once I figured out my type, realized WHAT exactly I was putting myself through and WHY, then to read HOW to help myself and ease my stress, within a matter of hours of this changed perspective I was feeling so much better. With this knowledge, when read through my quiz results thoroughly I highly resonated with both types, I now can take actionable steps in the direction of more integrated behaviors. The second book I read to help me take these actionable steps was "Take Care of Your Type: An Enneagram Guide to Self-Care" by Christina S. Wilcox .
Wilcox has complied amazing tips on how to take care of your type when you're disintegrating. So much so that after reading about how to soothe my Type 4 stressors (which is what type I was exhibiting), how she worded the care almost instantly alleviated the self inflicted stress I was putting myself under. This morning for the first time in a week, I woke up not dreading the day, happier and more at peace with where I'm at right now and I have a heading of where to go to keep being productive and not shutting down emotionally and physically.
So....Are You Feeling Like a 4 or a 2 Today?
Now I highly recommend you take the Enneagram quizzes to find out your type(s). I took mine via the first book I read:
I was able to buy both of these books at my local Five Below. However if you're unable to get these books, not to worry! The Enneagram Institute has the test on their site for only $12.
Now the question I posed above is a question I fully intend on posing to myself whenever I feel I'm disintegrating, as a way to pin point which Types disintegration I'm falling prey to and a course of action to take to remedy it.
So for you, depending on what your results come back as, (and how honest you were with yourself during the testing), you might ask yourself, "Am I feeling more like I'm disintegrating to my worst type?" or if you have a 50/50 between two Types like me, "Am I feeling like a Type (one of your types) or a Type (your other types)?" Then, once you can pinpoint what your feeling like based on your recent interactions, reactions, self treatment, etc. You can then read Christina S. Wilcox's book, or Google remedies and actions you can take to stop disintegrating and start integrating! (I would google something like "Type (what ever type you're feeling) disintegration help")
This personality test and the descriptions, for me, were more enlightening about myself than I found the Myers-Briggs, though that was very insightful as well. However, I like how the Enneagram covers how you deal with stress, where you tend to make decisions from (head, heart or body) and how to rework your default pitfalls in order to grow and better serve yourself and not be at the whim of your emotions. I feel more prepared to take on what I'm feeling at any given moment, acknowledge it, give it space (NOT bypass it with toxic positivity), and then take steps to teach myself healthier coping mechanisms that better serve me in the present and in the long run.
If you take or have taken the Enneagram quizzes, please comment below your Types and how finding out this about yourself has helped you, as well as how you cope with your disintegration periods! Perhaps your method of moving from disintegration to integration could help someone who is also your Type!
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